Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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