Tell her she can't have a vagina
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
