Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
