he puts the penis in happiness.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
