I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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