you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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