He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
