I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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