dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
