I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
