mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize