a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
