So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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