If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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