You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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