Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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