Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
