I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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