It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize