I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
