a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
