were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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