Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
