You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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