if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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