Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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