so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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