God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
