what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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