Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
