i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
