I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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