I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize