return my video game
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
