i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
