wakey wakey hands off snakey
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
