i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
this will be a night to untag.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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