We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
