going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
