get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
