i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
