A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
