i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
