**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
