I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
