So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
