i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
