Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
