Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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