Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
