I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
look no pants
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
