I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
