he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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