So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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