I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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