you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
