Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
