so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
