im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
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