a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
