hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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