So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
