And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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