FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
