The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
the raccoons are back...
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