Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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