my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
