i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
