remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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