my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
a search helicopter?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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