i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
