I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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