dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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