you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How does it feel to date your dad?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
