just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
