i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
