Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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